"There may not be anyone alive who knows more about baseball than Joe Morgan." - Bob Costas
"There may not be anyone alive who knows more about baseball than Joe Morgan claims to know." - Asher B. Chancey
"If an atomic bomb went off today, and the only people remaining on Earth were Joe Morgan and my mother, there would still be 'anyone alive' who knows more about baseball than Joe Morgan." - Asher B. Chancey
In 1998, the "For Dummies" people flirted with a new idea which they called "By Dummies," and as their inaugural book they signed Joe Morgan to be the celebrity sponsor of "Baseball by Dummies." Morgan did fabulously, combining his rare talents for both arrogance and assanine commentary to produce a book befitting its name. The "For Dummies" people flinched, however, realizing the silliness of their idea, and quickly changed the name of the book back to "Baseball for Dummies." What follows are some lists proferred by Joe Morgan in his book.
Two Words - Warren Spahn
Top Ten Players of All Time				Top Ten Pitchers of All Time				Top Ten Fielders of All Time				Top Ten Future Stars
1	Willie Mays			1	Cy Young			1	Willie Mays			1	Vladimir Guerrero
2	Babe Ruth			2	Warren Spahn			2	Ozzie Smith			2	Nomar Garciaparra
3	Hank Aaron			3	Walter Johnson			3	Curt Flood			3	Alex Rodriguez
4	Ty Cobb			4	Lefty Grove			4	Bill Mazeroski			4	Jose Cruz, Jr.
5	Mickey Mantle			5	Christy Mathewson			5	Johnny Bench			5	Derek Jeter
6	Frank Robinson			6	Steve Carlton			6	Roberto Clemente			6	Andruw Jones
7	Joe DiMaggio			7	Tom Seaver			7	Brooks Robinson			7	Scott Rolen
8	Roberto Clemente			8	Sandy Koufax			8	Keith Hernandez			8	Edgardo Alfonzo
9	Jackie Robinson			9	Bob Gibson			9	Ken Griffey			9	Shawn Estes
10	Ted Williams			10	Juan Marichal			10	Luis Aparicio			10	Neifi Perez
		Top Ten Current Players				Top Ten Current Pitchers				Top Ten Current Fielders
		1	Ken Griffey, Jr.			1	Greg Maddux			1	Ken Griffey, Jr.
		2	Barry Bonds			2	Roger Clemens			2	Barry Bonds
		3	Frank Thomas			3	Randy Johnson			3	Ivan Rodriguez
		4	Mike Piazza			4	Tom Glavine			4	Charles Johnson
		5	Jeff Bagwell			5	John Smoltz			5	Roberto Alomar
		6	Tony Gwynn			6	Pat Hentgen			6	Omar Vizquel
		7	Larry Walker			7	Pedro Martinez			7	Jim Edmonds
		8	Mark McGwire			8	David Cone			8	Rey Ordonez
		9	Mo Vaughn			9	Mike Mussina			9	Ken Caminiti
		10	Juan Gonzalez			10	Alex Fernandez			10	Barry Larkin
				Ten Records That Are Least Likely To Be Broken
				1	Joe DiMaggio's 56-game hitting streak
				2	Cy Young's 512 career wins
				3	Babe Ruth's .690 career slugging percentage
				4	Jack Chesbro's 41-win season
				5	Johnny Vander Meer's two consecutive no-hitters
				6	Nolan Ryan's 5,714 career strikeouts
				7	Rogers Hornsby's .424 batting average
				8	Ed Walsh's 1.82 career ERA
				9	Hank Aaron's 755 career home runs
				10	Cal Ripken, Jr.'s consecutive games-played streak
This page is dedicated to Jon Miller, for putting up with Joe Morgan's crap for so long.