On April 26th of 2004, Asher published a taped conversation between Cub manager Dusty Baker and his bench coach, Grady Little, using his contacts with the FBI. Keith thought something was suspicious about the tape, and called Dusty to set the record straight: Keith Glab: So Dusty, how exactly did Walker manage a .333 batting average in eight at-bats, anyway? Did he get 2.664 hits against southpaws or something? Dusty Baker: Well, uh.... KG: You just invented that statistic, didn't you? DB: Well, yeah... KG: In fact, I bet you invented that whole conversation with Grady Little, didn't you? DB: Okay, you got me. I was the one who lobbied for Ho Mac to be a Cub in the first place. See, I didn't want the public to think that I would start him just to justify my acquisition, so I made it out that Grady convinced me to do it. KG: Why did you want to trade away a top pitching prospect to get a marginal utility player? DB: Aww, we don't need all these pitching prospects we have. They can't all blow out their arms when I ask them to throw 135 pitches per game. Besides, the public was happy that I went out and got a proven veteran for the bench. KG: Right, to replace Lenny Harris. Why are you worried about public reaction, anyway? I mean, you could rape an old woman in the street and the public would think that you're a hero. DB: That actually happened the other day. The people on the street applauded, and the old woman thanked me. She said that she almost came. KG: Didn't your son almost get seriously injured in the World Series a few years back? DB: That's right, Keith. I used him as a bat boy. The media thought that was good for the clubhouse atmosphere. KG: Even though he nearly interfered with the game and got clobbered? DB: Yup. KG: And even though you blew a 3-2 game lead and lost the World Series? DB: Hey, we lost that series because I mismanaged the bullpen. It had nothing to do with the team chemistry. KG: Dusty, you've led a charmed life. DB: Hee hee. |