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R.I.P. Red Sox
by Tony Aubry,
August 24, 2006

Tony Aubry

Keithís pick to win the World Series and Richardís pick to win the American League east died Monday afternoon after receiving 5 blatant shots to the head; they were 141 days old.


Yes, Iím pronouncing the Red Sox dead. The more I had to watch their dreadful bullpen the more I thought ďWhy doesnít Terry take a page from Dick Vermeilís book and hold open try outs?Ē


Quick Hits


The Yankees outscored the Red Sox 30-5 after the 5th inning.


The Sox penís ERA was 11.50 while the Yankees penís ERA was 3.60


Manny Ramirez reached base 17 times while scoring only 3 runs. Two of them were on HR


Johnny Damon led off the first 3 games with a triple, and two doubles


Johnny Damon went 10-23 with 2 HR, 8 RBI and 5 R, while Coco Crisp was 1-18.

The Yankees averaged 7 walks per game.


Papelbon blew his 3rd save in two weeks.


Call it the Sequel, Massacre II, Son of Massacre, or whatever you want.Either way, the Yankees mopped the floor with the Soxí face. While Theo Epstein was bitching and moaning about the Yankees being an ďuber payroll team,Ē the Yankees won 5 in a row in Theoís park for the first time in over 50 years.


I'm not so sure the Yankees are the only "uber payroll" team in the east. The Red Sox may not spend as much as the Yankees, but they sure could. Like the Yankees, the Red Sox are a money train.  Letís look at their sources of income for the team: They have NESN which is just as big as YES, if not bigger, the extra seats on top of the monster, the highest seat prices in the majors, dramatically increased concession prices, and the money from that every team is getting.  It is obvious that the Red Sox are grossing money, but they just don't spend it.


Did they make sure that Damon wouldn't sign with the Yankees? No. Did they go out and get and get a left handed reliever or two? No. They could have signed Abreu if they took half of his contract for next year, but they didn't. They have the money; I just don't know where itís going.


Letís get back to on-the-field problems, shall we?


The Red Sox are 6 Ĺ games out of the division race and 4 out of the Wild Card race as of Thursday.


The Red Sox (who are 43-52 vs. A.L teams excluding the Oís) have to go 25-12 and the Yankees have to go 19-19 just to force a one-game playoff. However, the Yankees play 20 games against the Mariners, Royals, Devil Rays, and Orioles.


The Red Sox have virtually no chance of winning the division, but theyíre chances of winning the Wild Card are slightly higher. For starters, they have to cover 2 Ĺ games less. Also, theyíre strength of schedule from here on out is at .506. The White Soxí is .510 and the Twinsí is .508. The advantage is slight, but itís an advantage nonetheless. The Red Sox also play the White Sox and Twins three times each. So faith could lie in their own hands (Iíll let you decide whether thatís a good or bad thing)


Despite a few things that could swing in Bostonís favor, I still donít think they can make it to the playoffs. Their pitching is just too bad. John Lester walks too many men, and left handed batters are hitting .340 off him. Kyle Snider just took Jason Johnsonís spot and he isnít much of an upgrade. Beckett continues to be horrid and Schilling is up and down. I donít think I need to tell you bad their bullpen is, especially now that Papelbon has come down to earth.


Sorry Sox fans.Maybe youíll enjoy watching Junior Seau and the Patriots this October.

Disagree with something? Got something to add? Wanna bring up something totally new? Tony Aubry lives in Queens, New York, and can be reached at

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